Basic Needs (Male versus Female)

I was having a casual conversation with a colleague of mine about relationships, and I made the comment that women are confusing.  I said, jokingly, that men are simple.  There are basic needs we have, and that’s all we ask for.  Everything else stems from those basic needs.  I said those needs were food, sex, and to be occasionally left alone.  When I said it, I was really being facetious, but it lead to a conversation about needs.  My next comment was that women’s needs repeatedly change, and it’s difficult to keep up with.  Again, it was in jest, but I asked her what she thought women’s basic needs were.  She said appreciation, being cared about, and attraction.  Attraction encompasses many things like sex, and being challenged.  We also rolled up being fair, into appreciation.  Admittedly, she had a hard time only naming three as I had done for males, but she left it at that.

Now, I’m not sure how firm I stand on the basic needs of a man, and I realize that both men and women are complicated beings, but I thought this conversation was interesting.  If I had to add one for men, I’d probably say men want fun.  That is so broad, but I think it’s a key component to keeping a man happy.  For women, that would probably fall under attraction.  In any case, I wanted to share the conversation here and see if anyone had any thoughts. It’s an age old conversation, being simplified for the sake of a blog.  So, what are your needs; summed up in three or four words?

Recap:

Men- Food, Sex, Fun, Occasionally left alone

Women- Appreciation, Cared About, Attraction

Facebook Therapy Fail

Facebook is a great way to vent your frustrations and express yourself in a way that allows you to receive support, in the form of “likes,” from your friends. I’ve done it, and I know lots of people that do.

However if you have a long standing pattern of venting a frustration or taking a subliminal shot at someone today, giving a motivational quote tomorrow, and venting a frustration or taking a subliminal shot at someone the following day, you probably should seek actual therapy instead of Facebook therapy. It obviously isn’t working and you are beginning to appear schizophrenic.  (Flush…)

Run G…Runnnnn!!!!!

Yeah, so I’m training for a 5k. I’m kind of embarrassed to say that I have to train for it because I’d like like to think I could just get up and run a 5k with no problem. I mean, it’s only 3.1 miles and real runners, or people who are in shape, could probably do it in their sleep. I’d like to think that I’m no slouch, and that my inner sportsman, can channel the youthful athleticism that I once displayed. I’d like to think that, but reality is powerful and the fact is that I can’t just get up and do it. So, here as I enter my fourth week of training, where the workouts seem to take on a dramatic change towards kicking my behind, I reflect on why the hell am I doing this.

LOL, when I told someone recently that I’d be doing this, they asked “what’s her name?” In actuality, there is no her. I actually blame/credit my neighbor who got me to agree to this while I was intoxicated on New Year’s Eve. I also extend that blame to another neighbor and a neighbors friend who ran the NYC marathon in November. And now I extend that to other neighbors and co-workers who have decided they would like to run a 5k also. Will we all do it? I don’t know, but this running thing has gotten contagious. On a personal level, I hate running. I’d much rather ride a bike. However, in a year where I feel I should try new things, and even face my fears (or things that I hate) head on, this seems to be a perfect thing to put on the agenda. I feel good about my progress so far, and having a running partner helps with the motivation.

Can’t say I’ve lost any weight, and though that wasn’t the goal, it would’ve been a nice side effect. Oh well, I hope I’m ready for the run in the beginning of May. I do not have any timing goals, I just want to finish. So, mild shin splint and all, I will continue to train and check this off of my list of accomplishments. Couch to 5k….cue the Rocky theme music…..

Bed and Breakfast Experience

For some time now, I’ve wanted to try out a bed and breakfast.  The concept seemed interesting, and even though I’ve mainly had good experiences in hotels, I decided to give it a try.  So I took a trip to Rhode Island and stayed in one of the highest rated B&B’s, according to Trip Advisor (I trust Yelp and Trip Advisor way too much btw, lol).

In any case, after hitting some traffic on the way, I arrived about an hour and a half later than I had anticipated.  I called while I was still on the road to advise the inn keepers of my late arrival, and they seemed thankful for the courtesy.  Knowing my new time of arrival, they were prepared when I got in, and even offered to help with bags.  The room was ready, the inn keepers were friendly, and the place had character.  Great!!  The bed was comfortable, the bathroom was clean, and the inn keepers were ready to call me a cab, make reservations, or do whatever I needed them to do before they retired to their living quarters. There was even a cookie on the night table to greet me (both nights I might add).

I love food, so I was really looking forward to the breakfast part.  I imagined a host of options from eggs, omelets, pancakes, french toast, cereal, etc…and I was going to really indulge myself.  However, my first breakfast was not what I expected.  There were two options, and though the variety wasn’t there, I was still excited for the taste.  I had seen the kitchen when I checked in, and from its look I imagined the chef would be able to do some damage.  However, after my first bite I knew my experience would not match my expectations.  Was the food good?  Yes, but nothing spectacular.  Breakfast on the second morning, though the options were different, was pretty much the same.  I normally don’t set high expectations for establishments, but with “breakfast” in the name, I had thought surely this would be unlike any other breakfast I’ve ever had.

Sharing a house with strangers is not something that bothers me, but if I’m going to do it, there has to be an even trade off.  My experience tells me that an even trade off does not exist.  I think you just have to be one of those people who really like houses with character and treasure the personal touches that accompany a B&B.  I like it, but not sure if I’m willing to pay a premium price for it, considering the overall experience.  I’d do it again, but I’m much more inclined to just stay at a chain hotel.  I didn’t want to mention the B&B because I do think it’s a great establishment, and I don’t want my comments to be interpreted incorrectly.  It may be that it’s just not for me.

In The Moment…I shall try!

I once had a friend tell me that I didn’t allow myself to by happy. At the time I was like, “what the hell does that even mean?” I didn’t get it. I found myself to be genuinely happy. I didn’t complain about stuff…well no more than your average person. And so it went.

Well years later, I’m beginning to see what she was talking about. I mean, I wasn’t completely delusional in my thought that I was a happy person. But I do realize that I had a tendency to expect bad things, so I would protect myself by not allowing myself to get too high, so the inevitable fall wasn’t so painful. I think the term that highlights it best is “not living in the moment.” Is that a term? Whatever you want to call it, I have realized it. Enjoying oneself is very hard for people to do. I see it in others as well. We live our lives thinking that if we just make it over this next hump, or passed this next obstacle, things will be great. Not realizing that over every hill, and passed every obstacle, lies another challenge. That’s just the nature of life. For some of us, it’s self fulfilling. We strive to do more, and to conquer all, so we give ourselves challenges that stress us out. So the time to be happy is now.

However we do it, we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy the moment. We don’t allow ourselves to see that most of us have much more positive going on than negative. We don’t smile as often as we should. We don’t do things that will make us happy more than we do the things that we think we feel obligated to do. That can be good because responsibility is part of being an adult, but if we just took a little time, or did just a little planning, we could find moments (big or small) to make ourselves happy. We also need to realize that sometimes doing things that make other people happy is what will make us happy. If the people around you are happy, then that should increase your happiness. Think about your kids, your spouse, significant other, friends, and even co-workers. Make YOUR world a happy place.

I don’t mean to stand on a soap box, or use a bunch of cliches to make a point. Allowing yourself to be happy, in theory, is common sense. Its practical application is much more difficult. I don’t have a silver bullet that will automatically make anyone change their perspective, but I think being aware is a good start. That’s all I’ve got for now. If you want more guidance, you’ll have to pay for it. 😉 LOL. I’m still a work in progress myself, but I feel like I’ve made significant improvements since that comment was made to me. Do with this, as you wish. Thanks for listening to my ramblings….

(Falling down can be a sobering moment, but unparalleled heights of intoxicating happiness not only serve as stepping stones up, but as cushions for the fall; a fall that is in most cases, temporary)

How Awkward (Inside Jokes)

Inside jokes are a great way to share and reflect on past memories with friends and loved ones without always having to reveal the source or root of the connection. One word or one phrase is all that is needed to conjure up memories of the source, which usually leads to nostalgia and, often times, laughter.

They can, however create very awkward moments. The most obvious is when you are not a part of the inside joke, and you have to wonder if you are the source of the laughter.  The look of concern that crosses your face is usually met with a comment stating that’s “it’s an inside joke.”  It doesn’t always make you feel any better, but since we all have them, it becomes an easier pill to swallow.

However, I tend to find myself in an even more awkward position. It’s probably because I like to laugh, but that’s no excuse.  So, how it goes is, an inside joke is shared between 2 or more people. I witness this, but I don’t realize it’s an inside joke.  I just know that whatever was said sounds funny, even though I don’t completely understand why ,so I laugh. Those who are a part of the joke, know that I am not, and temper their laughter enough for one of them to say, “it’s an inside joke.”  This comment is not usually directed at me, but said in a way to make sure I heard it. So then I slowly fall back off of my “that was funny” laughter, to a laugh that implies that I’m laughing strictly because I enjoy being around such fun people.  And yes, this has happened more than once.

Awkward!!!!

Meeting Schmeeting

When I was younger, I used to think about how cool it must be to be in meetings.  The major deals, and the important topics that were being tackled.  This was how things in this world got done by the grown ups.  There was work, and then there were meetings at work, and the two concepts were distinct with a major focus and importance placed upon the meetings.

How wrong I was.  I’ve been in the business world for some time now, and if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that “meetings” are one of the biggest wastes of time.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a lot accomplished in meetings.  I’ve gotten a lot done in meetings, but the meetings that actually have meaning, structure, and purpose are much less common than I used to think.

What I hate most are the bitch and moan meeting, the tip toe around the real topics meeting, the everyone use business language to appear smart meetings, and the meeting to confirm what was already covered (or could’ve been covered) in a previous email meeting.  I’m sure there are plenty of others, but these are the first to come to mind.  It’s at a point where I only am excited about meetings called by certain people because I know they will be productive.  Others, well, I know I’m in for 30-60 minutes of a pure waste of time, save 2 minutes.

Meetings Schmeetings…..FLUSH!

Green Eyed Monster

I feel like I frequently find myself in a position of asking myself, “is that too much or too little.”  I guess I could be more specific, but the truth of the matter is, I could find myself saying this for multiple things.  However, today’s thought focuses on jealousy.  It can be a big issue in any relationship, but specifically an issue in romantic relationships.  It can dictate how one acts in said relationship, and can eventually choose the course in which that relationship follows.  But how much is enough?

From a man’s viewpoint, I can tell you that I have no idea, LOL.  Seriously… You can speak to almost any female, and most will tell you that they cannot stand a jealous man.  It makes the man possessive, suspicious, over bearing, and ultimately makes them look insecure.  No woman wants a man that’s insecure.  It’s not, well…manly.  So there are men who will block their jealous feelings to make themselves seem secure and manly.  However, some of those same women would become a bit upset if their man didn’t show jealousy in certain situations.  This lack of emotion makes the man seem disinterested, and uncaring.  Worse case scenario, it makes it seem as if the man either 1) doesn’t think anyone would pay any attention to her or 2) that her world is him, so there’s no way she would look elsewhere.  Both of these makes the man seem as if he’s saying that she’s dependent upon him.  Not many women want to seem dependent.  So my question is, how much is too much or how much is too little?  What situations actually warrant a jealous response?

I know there’s no real answer to this.  It certainly depends on the individuals involved, but sometimes it can be real confusing.  Do you want to see me get possessive when a guy hits on you, or should I ignore it knowing that you can handle it on your own?  If a guy is reckless eye-balling you, should I check him or bask in the fact that my woman is desirable to other men, meaning I’m lucky to have her?  If you’re wearing a provocative outfit on your way out the door to hang out with your girlfriends, do you want me to show some concern about the outfit, or by saying nothing am I showing you how much I trust you and that I value your independence and want you to feel good and sexy as you head out for the night?  Again, I don’t know.  There’s just no concrete answer.  The green eyed monster will just have to rear it’s ugly head and cautiously state his case or timidly back his way into the closet to fight another day.  That’s just no way for a monster to live, but one thing I know for sure is that wreaking havoc will only leave a bigger mess to clean up.  Easy big fella….