Monthly Archives: September 2012

Today’s Thought…Random

I wonder if I’m weird.  I think everyone handles death differently.  On the surface, there’s grieving through acceptance with steps in between.  But what does it do to people on a smaller, less noticeable, scale?  Over time, what does the exposure to death over a lifetime do to an individual?

I don’t know…certainly as one gets older, they become more aware of their own mortality.  The reason I wonder if I’m weird is because I think I’m highly sensitive to the presence of death.  I can’t say it’s on the level of someone like Tupac who predicted he would die young.  Nor do I think is stalking me around every corner, but I’m aware of the many different ways that death could get me in its grasp.  For example, every since the young woman died from being crushed by an elevator in NY earlier this year, I’m more aware of how that could’ve been me.  I still get on elevators, without fear might I add, but the dangers do cross my mind.  Recently, an acquaintance of mine was shot to death in front of the Empire State building by a disgruntled former co-worker.  I work in human resources and I unfortunately am occasionally a part of terminations.  Though I’m not the persons manager, my mere involvement makes me wonder if I could be a target.  I still go to work, without fear, but it does sometimes hit me, as I enter or exit the building, that some former disgruntled worker could be waiting for my arrival.

I have other examples of this, but what makes me think I am sane is that it doesn’t alter what I do or change who I am.  I’m just more aware.  I feel like I’m more aware than the average person, but maybe that’s only because I can’t speak for anyone else.  Ah well, who knows…

(flush)

The truth about Me Time

I want to break down me-time, for those of you who love having me-time like I do.  If you have a friend or loved one who has had a hard time understanding, while you have had difficulty explaining, point them in my direction.  I think I found a way to convey the message.

First, why am do I feel the need to explain.  Over the course of my adult life (young adult to present), I’ve inadvertently offended many of people who didn’t quite understand my desire to have me-time.  I can’t say that it’s ever been a huge deal, but it’s left a few with a bitter taste…enough to think that I had some offensive desire to be away from them.  I think before I knew better, I used to try and reassure these people that my desire for me-time had nothing to do with them.  Now that I’m older, I realize that’s not completely true.

The truth….two people will never want exactly the same thing.  During my me-time, I don’t want to have to accommodate someone else.  I only want to worry about me.  So, sometimes during the week, I want to come home after work and take off my work clothes.  I want to then lay around and eat whatever food happens to fall into my mouth.  I may search Google for hours on end, or I may find weird/interesting things to watch on TV.  I want to do all of this without someone’s judging eyes.  I may want to zone out on FaceBook, Twitter, or text my friends continuously…I want to do it without you looking at me and thinking, I’m always on the phone.

Occasionally, I want a weekend to myself so I can sleep or stay in bed until whenever I want.  Regardless of it’s a nice day, I want to watch TV and fall asleep on the couch off and on all day.  Maybe I will clean, and maybe I won’t.  Maybe I will shower, maybe I won’t.  The point is, I can’t do any of these things hanging out with you.  What if you’re bored, what if you don’t like what I’m watching, cooking, or not doing?  What if you want to converse?  It’s all of these things that make me-time special.  So yes, it’s about me…but if it weren’t for you, and your independent needs, I wouldn’t need me-time.

A little something to make you feel better.  The use of me-time has nothing to do with you directly.  I love spending time with the people I love.  I have fun with you, and definitely want to spend more time with you than I do away from you.  My ability to have me-time will make our time together that much more enjoyable.  Lack of me-time is like lack of food to some.  I will get a headache, and inevitably become cranky.  Then neither of us will have any fun.

So, next time I need some me-time, don’t take offense.  Don’t worry about me.  Give me my moment of space, that’s all I ask…it’s just a moment.  And I will be back to my regularly scheduled program in no time.  Probably sooner than you think.

Momentum

I recently came to the realization, that momentum (in life) is a huge thing.  It is the determining factor in a lot of what we do.  How so?  As you read this, I am sure that there are many things that you want to do in life.  Big or small, we have ideas or goals that we’d like to see come to fruition or completed.  But why don’t we make them happen?  Insecurity or fear is a big part of that.  Fear of failing…fear of succeeding.  Insecure in wondering if our idea is good enough or if it makes sense.  This is not new and many people subscribe to this as the reason why we end up doing nothing.

But what about those of us who do try?  What about those of us who take a  swing at making our idea a reality?  The truth is, it is a great first step.  But many of us begin a project, and then fail to complete it.  Why?  It’s a lack of momentum.  When you take a ball and roll it down a hill, it will eventually stop rolling once it has reached a flat plain.  If your goal is on that plain, then you have succeeded.  However, for most of us, the goal is many plains away, but there are no more hills to push it down.

Let me make this more practical.  Many people set a goal for losing weight, or getting in shape.  We kickoff this endeavor with a lot of momentum.  We have ideas on how much we want to lose, and come up with a diet or workout regimen that should assist us in reaching our goals.  However, after a week or two, the momentum is lost.  The motivation you had to start the plan, is now gone since you have actually started.  What do you do to maintain that?  A lot of us do nothing, and then end up getting bored with our plan.  There is no next step.  There is no additional hill to push the ball down to keep up the momentum.  My guess is, if you were to set another goal…more weights, or a stricter (or different) diet, you would continue to push toward your final goal.  It’s a challenge that keeps you motivated.

What about those of you trying to quit smoking.  Quitting cold turkey doesn’t usually work because the initial motivation is not met with another motivating factor.  Yeah, I stopped, you might say, but what next.  That’s why most doctors would recommend you try using the patch, or gum.  It’s a regimen that gives you different goals along the way, so your momentum is maintained.

I face the same issue when it comes to blogging.  I wanted to start a blog, and felt that I would easily be able to express myself, continuously, in writing.  However, once the initial excitement of creating a blog wore off, the momentum was lost.  I still want(ed) to keep it up, but I had already exhausted my stash of motivation when creating the blog.  However, successful bloggers find motivation, and build a following.  Some blogs even set goals for you.  If you have posted 5, it will say now let’s do 10, and so on.  It’s that motivation that keeps the momentum going.

After awhile, the manufactured momentum takes on a life of its own, and the progress becomes natural.  Take those who have made huge lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, or otherwise), and continue to do it as a normal part of their life.  They didn’t just decide to do that in one day.  Take someone like Steve Jobs.  His momentum was probably created by the challenges he faced in getting his products created, to market, and selling like hot cakes.

So, if you’ve set out on a path for something, I commend you.  Getting started is tough.  Imagine jumping out of a plane, bungee jumping, or zip lining.  Propelling yourself from a seemingly stable platform into an unknown freefall has to be difficult.  However, remind yourself that after the initial exhilaration is gone, you need to build on it.  If you feel yourself become disinterested before your goal is met, it’s because you lack the proper momentum.  One way to combat that is to set interim goals.  One hefty goal is great, but the little successes in between will feed that momentum.  By doing so, you will eventually meet your goal.  Don’t think of it as an uphill battle.  Relate it to pushing a ball down a series of hills.  Every time you reach a flat plain, give the ball a little push…challenge yourself just a little more…and get the ball rolling again.  Then ride that momentum until you reach your final destination.