Category Archives: Random

Unleashed Hate

Today, I want to cry.  I’m not alone in how I’m feeling after the mass murder in Orlando.  Whether you call it a terrorist attack or a hate crime or something else, what happened was just senseless and heartbreaking.  But I don’t want to cry solely on the basis of what happened.

I’m upset because WE, created that attack.  WE, yes you reading this included, have created this environment.  How?  Well, we have allowed ourselves to hate.  We have used this thing called social media to say things to purposely get reactions out of people.  We like when we get under each others skin.  We hide behind our screen names and say things that are considered racist, homophobic, and sexist (among other things).  And then when these senseless things happen, we look and wonder why.  We ask over and over, how could this happen, and never look at ourselves.  Never look at how we speak to strangers online when it comes to things like politics, or something as trivial as sporting events.  Never think about how the threats of violence we dish out, or the many violent things we post actually create a violent society.  We can’t continue to do these things and then continue to deny responsibility.  And I speak about online behavior because our hate is more free-flowing that way, but certainly it’s evident in-person as well.

The truth is, you can’t compartmentalize hate.  You can’t spew, or even hint at hate, and act surprised when it ends up at your front door.  There’s no logic in hate.  It’s not like you can hate someone and have universal acceptance of that hate, which ultimately makes hate…. a subjective thing.  So if you can hate for the reasons that make sense to you, someone else can hate for the reasons that make sense to them.  Which means you can hate someone for their race, sexual preference, or religion…just as long as you’re willing to accept someone can hate you for what country you’re in, the color of your hair, or what job you have.  And sure, maybe the hate you have would never drive you to actually go out and hurt someone, but fanning that fire and encouraging someone else to do it is just as bad.  You’re just as accountable.

Just think…you can’t be at a football game, where a rival fan is cheering for his/her team, and threaten to kick their ass because of their enthusiasm, and then when another fan kicks their ass, pretend that you didn’t have a part in it.  Or worse, get mad when your friend/relative gets beat up for cheering for their team.

Maybe this only makes sense to me.  And I know people think the idea of loving one another is soft.  Truth is, it’s much easier to hate.  Loving people is hard.  It takes way more depth to love, but it just sounds too fluffy.  I don’t know when loving people became such a weak thing to do….maybe it’s always been that way, but that just sucks.  But I digress.

What’s even worse is that a tragedy like this, drives people further a part.  How in the world is that possible?  How can we all see an event so greatly tragic and horrible, and still look at our fellow man and make derogatory comments about how others feel, or how they want to prevent it in the future.  That’s why I want to cry.  We are not on a path to where things get better.  We are on a destructive path where a difference of opinion will lead to a fierce battle of will.  Digging in of heels, and refusal of compromise for fear of looking weak

I want to cry because I don’t know what to do.  I want to unite people.  Talk to you to help you see how you are a driver in this vehicle, but I fear I am too late.  I like to think that what I see on TV and online are the extremes, but I’m not seeing evidence of that.  I hope I’m wrong.  I love my fellow man.  I want to see no harm done to any of you, and I pray that those of similar views can come together and take control of this. out of control vehicle before it’s too late.

Isagenix Review

So, this post is a bit different than my regular ones, though I don’t know if I have a regular kind of post.  Let’s face it, I’m all over the place.  In any case, the reason for this post about Isagenix is because I’ve tried it recently.

For those of you not familiar with Isagenix, it is billed as a lifestyle, not a diet, that promises significant weight loss results.  The reason why they use the term lifestyle is because you get the best results if you use their products consistently.  I was introduced to this by my girlfriend, who was very bought into what the products could offer.  Me, being the skeptic I am, thought the whole program was nothing more than another scheme to get people’s money.  You can Google Isagenix just like I did, and you will see plenty of articles for and against the program, and having read my share of the negative reviews, I was convinced that it wasn’t something I would ever try.

Fast forward a few months, my girlfriend was scheduled to move in, and after a few subtle hints from her to give the products I try, I thought…why not.  A few years back, I did a “challenge” that progressively eliminated certain types of food from my diet, for a month.  The last week of the “challenge” was a completely raw fruits and vegetables diet.  At the time I didn’t think I had to lose any weight, but I lost 20 pounds and hadn’t looked better.  Of that 20 pounds, I kept off about 15, largely because I kept with some of the basic principles of it (less red meat, less processed foods, olive oil over vegetable oil, whole wheat over white bread, etc…).  My point is, I had taken away something useful from the challenge and felt that maybe I could learn something from Isagenix.

So, we did a 9 day cleanse (actually 11 days).  The cleanse is a combination of cleanse days (minimal caloric intake) and shake days.  The calorie intake on cleanse days was probably less than 500.  Shake days averaged around 1400 calories, which isn’t too bad.  Shake days consisted of two shakes as meal replacements, and one 400-600 calorie meal.  This also included two 100 calorie snacks.  On cleanse days we had to drink some sort of cleansing concoction four times a day, and were allowed small snacks (30 calories) to help ward off hunger.  And on all of the days we were required to drink lots of water.

Going into the challenge, I was convinced that it would be a diet that encouraged starving, which would naturally lead to weight loss.  And though the caloric intake was very low, I never felt extremely hungry.  No long bouts of growling stomachs, or hunger headaches.  My mind definitely wandered and thought about all types of food, but that’s largely because I love to eat.  After 11 days, I lost 11 pounds and over 20 inches.

I have no expectation that I will keep it all off because I don’t plan on maintaining the same eating habits.  However, I did learn a few things.  Note, that a lot of the things you can learn from this system, you can learn by reading any healthy eating journal.  For example, the cleanse pushed me to drink more water.  And sure enough, more times than not, I was thirsty, not hungry…and so the hungry feeling went away.  I learned that the shakes were really good and satisfying, and I want to continue to use them as a breakfast meal replacement.  One of the reasons is that I barely have time for breakfast, and the nutrients I can get from the shake, are much better than me not eating at all.  It’s also allowed me to take a different look at calories, and the types of calories I consume.  I don’t necessarily count calories, but I have a better idea of what I need to consume to maintain my weight.

Again, none of these things are ground breaking or foreign, but it’s what I needed to give me the push to pay more attention to these things.  It’s helped me grow.  As I said, I love food, so much that it’s one of my major motivations for travel.  But I’m also aware of my health, and my desire to stay in good health.

If you are considering Isagenix, I’d say give it a shot.  Try the 9 day cleanse (there is a 30 day cleanse).  It’s a flexible program, that and it has a lot of support.  I lot of pro-Isagenix blogs will focus on it’s cleansing value.  I’m no scientist, so I can’t comment on that.  I get it from a theoretical level, but that doesn’t make it true, so I’ll leave it to you to do your own research.  But if you’d like to try something that can potentially help you take control of eating habits, and push you closer to a healthier lifestyle, it’s a good opportunity.  Keep in mind, you have plenty of options.  You can Google clean eating and get a ton of free information.  But if you’re like me, a program like this might be a good push.

Though my purpose for this post isn’t to sell you the product, if you’re interested, message me and I can help you out.  I hope you found this information useful.

Insecure

I believed in what we had

More than I believed in what I could bring

See, I looked to you to carry it all

And all I had to give you was a ring

Satisfaction didn’t need to be grounded in action

It was the mere fact that I was right there with you

Paid no mind to the signs

Never really worried about your issues

Not a we nor an I

It was all about the problems of you

You’d see I was a God and would figure out what to do

And when your routine switched up

My failure as a man only presented as anger

And when the weed smoked settled

I saw you as a stranger

Again it was about you

And the ills of your ways

You needed to be treated like a child

I wanted to know how you spent your days

And nights even… whenever we were separate

I got tight

I could barely touch your skin

Without wanting to fight

Thinking you was laid up with your lace stuff

Getting straight fucked

in a place nothing like home…. it was something I made up

Back blown out, that’s why I can’t be leaving you alone

Or you can’t be leaving me

Constantly checking my phone

See this is where my mind goes

That insecurity got me swaying like the wind blows

That stability that is needed

I didn’t bring my share

I just wanted a piece of property

The rest I really didn’t care

I brought nothing to the table except drama and pain

All from providing nothing

Now I won’t be seeing you again

See I looked to you to carry it all

That’s what I said before

But I thought you wanted to stay right here

Never wanting more….from me

So I didn’t change, shit I really didn’t try

We already on paper

I thought there was no saying goodbye

It’s cheaper to keep her, yeah I heard it before

But my love was already bankrupt

She ain’t got nothing to stay for

See that love was supposed to grow

As we did the same together

There’d be dips along the way

Put we promised that for better

Or worse, those words were lies for you and me both

There was no growth so now the salted land is burning the oath

We were never truly meant for this

One of us wasn’t ready,

I’ll continue to point at you though

Me changing is too heavy

So the separation is next who gets what

It don’t even matter

We’ve got nothing to split

Except happily ever after

Oh you want that D now

Sign on the dotted line then

Don’t let the door hit you on your way out

And no we can’t be friends

So now I’m back where I started

Alone here with me

And some hoes in my contact list

Dam it feels good to be free

Or am I fronting

What Do You Live For

This is one of the most important questions you can ask yourself when trying to find happiness in life…at least according to me.  What do you live for?  Understand this…there will always be someone who thinks you’re not doing enough “something” in your life.  You don’t work out enough, you don’t eat well enough, you don’t know enough history, you haven’t thought enough about the future, you don’t have enough money, you watch too much TV, etc…

The thing with life is that there are hundreds of billions of things to know and do, and you are never, no matter how much you try, going to know or do each one of those things inside and out.  So never mind what other people say.  Stop reading things in social media where people wax poetic about how knowledgeable they are about politics, or how to stop ISIS, or global warming…and how stupid you are if you aren’t paying attention to your vitamin D intake.  Find what you live for, and live for it.  If you love your family, then do things with your family, and live for that.  If you like to travel, get out there and explore.  If you’re an educator, educate the world.  Or if you like watching TV or movies, sit your happy ass on your couch, and watch what you like.  And I’m not saying only choose one, but find the things you live for, and live for them.  If it changes because your heart wants to do something more, follow it.  But don’t follow another person down the path of what they live for because they tell you that you should.

And if you have no idea what you’re living for, and you have no idea what makes you happy, then try stuff out.  Dip your toe in, or jump in head first, but try new stuff.  Travel, shop, draw, bartend, learn a new language, whatever.  Remember, there’s hundreds of billions of things to know and do, so I’m sure you’ll find something.   I only have two disclaimers…one, this does not include things that are illegal, or harmful (physically or emotionally) to yourself or others.  And two, understand that there are some things you have to learn to live for.  For example, if you have kids, you’re already committed to living (at least) some of your life for them.

Hanging Graves

I should start by saying, I have serious issues.

Recently, I was sitting in my bosses boss’s office having a typical meeting.  I don’t normally let my mind wander while having these conversations but as the conversation was nearing a resolution, my mind began to find other things to notice.

So he’s an avid hiker.  I’m pretty sure he’d rather deal with the woods before dealing with any one of us that report to him, but he gets paid to deal with us, so there he sits.  As an avid hiker, he has pictures of some of the trails he has hiked.  I’ve seen these pictures every day for a few years now.  But, as I sit there on this day, I began to have a very morbid thought.  Likely, due to my brain preoccupied with serious analysis for a few hours and in need of some entertainment.

I began to think about my boss as a serial killer.  He killed along the trails while he hiked.  And the pictures in his office were actually pictures of grave sites.  His way of keeping a trophy of his deeds.  As I thought this, the lights began to go down, and I looked up to find his eyes piercing my soul.  He had noticed my preoccupation with the photos, and knew I was onto him.  As he stared at me, he knew that I would need to be dealt with.  He looked over to an empty spot on the wall, and immediately envisioned a new trophy….another photo of a grave site…and one less employee.

Like I said, I have issues.  My thoughts don’t typically get that weird, especially while at work.  The little man in my head was hard at work that day (I’ll tell you about him some other time).  I may never know the true innocence or horror of those photos, but I’m sure I’ll think about it every time I’m back in that office.  I mean, it’s not impossible, right?

Quick Update

Where are my manners…It’s been months since my last post and I throw up a random post without filling in the gaps. Ha.  There was Thanksgiving, a trip to Dominican Republic…with 18 other people…that was actually quite amazing.  A Christmas party (where I witnessed an affair), another Christmas party (there were 40 people there…so I stayed out of sight…must be my introversion), a Christmas eve dinner (by the P.I.C’s youngest brother…guess it’s time for me to grow up), a Christmas dinner, and a pretty laid back New Year’s Eve party.  I think that about covers it.  Oh, and a marathon watching of season 1 of The Wire on New Year’s Day.  I’ve seen it, but the P.I.C hasn’t (I’ve pulled her from underneath that rock).

Oh wait…I adop20141024_212411ted a little needy, sometimes squeaky, all black furry thing that as we speak is trying to devise a plan to sit on my keyboard.  And she’s looking at me with those green eyes that convinced me to adopt her.  She’s your perfect witch cat.  Honestly, she’s not all that bad.  She doesn’t really go wild on the furniture, and doesn’t do sprints in the middle of the night, like I’ve heard many cats do.  She is an alarm clock that likes to go off about an hour early, and is need of almost constant attention.  It’s only been about two months, and I don’t understand what she wants half the time and I’m amazed out how she can entertain herself for 20 minutes at a time, with a toy mouse.

A clear clue of me not really used to her yet is that the other morning, I was laying in bed before putting my work clothes, and I was under the covers because it was cold.  As I watched the days news, I began to scratch my thigh (yes, it was my thigh)…not necessarily because of an itch, but just because.  Well, it must have appeared as if a dangerous critter was attacking me because out of nowhere, I hand was being attacked by her.  I don’t even know where she came from, but it scared the hell out of me.  It may have also been her revenge for me rolling over on her in the middle of the night…who knows.  But yeah, I’ve adopted a cat.  I hear they can live up to 15-20 years.  This shall be interesting.

Emotional (Part 3, Things) 3 of 3

You left…so long ago

And I want to begin my journey forward

But how can I begin to make that next move

When the past continues to sit right in front of me

Most of it hidden away in boxes

But it still screams at me

In the night as the liquor flows

The sounds only seem to get louder

And all I can do to get through, is to listen

I’ve pretended for as long as I can

But the things get the upperhand….occassionally.

I just wish I could sleep

Without seeing them floating

Causing dreams that make being awake a nightmare

There truly is no escape

And as I close the books, and put away the pictures

Assuming it’s all locked away

Something rears its head

And I’m back where I started.

Rummaging through the embedded memories

Watching as if it were a motion picture

The scenes more dramatic when played back like this

They make me more emotional

And suddenly, I’m back in that room

With the portal re-opened

The visuals more real than my mind could imagine

Wondering when this cycle will end

Hoping it never does

As the emotion keeps me connected to you

And somehow that gives me hope

Gives us hope.

I sometimes I see beyond those things in that box

I see things that don’t belong to me

They belong to the world, yet they are mine…my burden

That tree we had our first kiss underneath

Or that coffee shop we ate in every Saturday morning

Even that bar you met him at

All reminders, some gentle and some so heavy

Of a time that has expired

I swear I’m ready to move on

But how….how can one take that next step

How can one move forward

When with every step, I risk

Running into one of these Things?