Monthly Archives: April 2012

Most helpless

True helplessness, is not being able to make a loved one feel better. Whether it is a physical illness, or emotional state, knowing someone you care for is not feeling well, and not being able to make them feel better, is the worst.

I know just being there for them is good, but you just wish there was something more.

I’m not really experiencing this right now….not on any major scale at least, but I do remember that feeling. I guess the best thing to do is to do for them as you would want done for you….or better yet, just ask what they need/want from you.


The Game of Chivalry

Is chivalry dead?  I don’t think so, but maybe that’s just within the small space that I live in.  I am frequently in places where doors are opened for women, and women are given the opportunity to go first, be it first dibs at dinner, first out of the elevator, or even yielding to a woman so she can go first when in a crowded narrow space.  I’ve even witnessed men carrying heavy bags for women.

Sidebar, I’m not quite sure where this tradition originates.  I understand the concept of letting a woman go first when entering a room, or when exiting an elevator, but I’m not sure how much sense it makes.  I mean, shouldn’t a man be the first to enter a room?  Now hear me out a second.  If there is something dangerous in said room, shouldn’t the man be the one to check it out first?  It seems to me that a true gentleman would investigate a given space to ensure his woman’s safety before she enters the room, no?  This doesn’t apply to all chivalry activities.  Certainly opening a car door, or helping a woman over a puddle is different, but I never understood why letting the woman go first was in the woman’s best interest.  Even when it comes to food, why should the women “test” the food first.  Shouldn’t the man eat and make sure the meal is appropriate for his woman, saving her from any possible danger?  I’m probably thinking too deeply about it, but even in its basic form, having a woman go first into any unknown seems to be less the chivalric.  However, I understand the concept that ladies should go first, and giving them first opportunity, no matter the situation, should be a man’s duty.

Sidebar to the sidebar, I know a woman who actually hates this practice.  I’m not 100% sure of her reasoning, but I believe she finds it ridiculous, and when faced with this action, will insist that the man go first.  I’m not sure if she would be considered an extreme liberal, but it certainly puts the well intentioned male in an awkward position. We want to be gentleman, but how do we know which women appreciate it versus the women who think you are infringing upon their women’s lib rights?  Just like it’s confusing as to whether we should offer a pregnant woman our seat for fear that she might not be pregnant.  I was told recently that we should, in that case, always abandon our seat for a woman.  On public transportation that means men would never sit.  I reserve this particular activity for the elderly (man or woman), and obviously pregnant women.  Maybe that makes me a jerk…idk.

In any case, the reason I am writing this has nothing to do with women.  It has to do with men.  I find that, especially when getting off an elevator, there is an awkward game of “you go first” that I refuse to play.  If I’m on the elevator with a male, and the doors open, I will hesitate, especially if I’m at the back of the elevator.  If I’m in the front, I’m just getting off.  But if you motion for me to go first, I will not then motion for you to go, expecting that you will motion for me to go once again, and then exit the elevator.  I find it pointless.  I don’t care how old you are.  If you don’t go, or you motion to me to go, I am going.  Or if I motion for you to go, and you don’t go, I will not give you the seemingly obligatory courtesy of motioning for you to go again.  I am just going to go.  I don’t have time for that game, and I find it to be stupid.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the nice gesture which is why I will normally be the one to motion for you to go.  But I don’t find the back and forth game enjoyable.  Does that make me a jerk?  Maybe, but I’ll be that.  Chivalry and general courtesy have a place in society, but let’s not make it such a game.

Who am I?

Is it really possible to start missing someone the moment, and I do mean the very moment, they are not with you?  Can you really spend an entire weekend with someone and miss them by Monday morning?  It seems absurd. Especially if you know you will see them again within a day or two.  Having space from one another is good, and no one wants to constantly be around their bf/gf.  So what weak willed, softy, with no sense of independence can miss someone so soon after having spent a good amount of time with them.

(Raises hand)

Hard for me to admit that since I am king of wanting my own space; fighting for my “me” time. I appreciate the time apart, but I am sometimes left feeling some type a way about our temporary separation.  I guess I should embrace this side of me since it’s probably a good thing. I’m sure some couples can’t wait for their partner to go away. LOL. Again I ask, who am I? 

Random Thoughts of the Day

I occasionally have thoughts back up in my head that I need to get out.  So, I need to sit on the thought toilet to feel better.  I felt the need to explain that in case any of you following this hadn’t already figured that out.  Feel free to not read the rest of this post as it will just be my ramblings.

First, is it weird that I’ve never had a Z-pack?  It seems as if everyone in the world has had one before, but I don’t even know what it looks like.  Is it really a pack?  Do you only have to take it once?  Are there multiple pills in one pack, and the pack is a part of a box?  I love Google just as much as the next person, and I know I could just Google it, but not knowing kind of feels cool.  Am I unique?

Also, has anyone ever had an organic fruit?  I have, and the speed at which these fruits deteriorate is quite amazing.  Take an apple for example.  An organic apple can go bad in a matter of days.  Tastes no different than a regular apple, but you’d better eat it quick if you want to enjoy it.  An apple that is not organic, hmmm…well I’ve seen one last a few weeks.  A few weeks!!!!  Am I the only person that scares?  What kind of stuff do they put on/in that thing to make it last so long, and how the hell can that not be bad for me.  Or maybe it’s really good for me (rubs chin)….

Finally, why would someone want to purposely, temporarily, turn off one of their senses?  It seems idiotic since we have our senses to help us live.  Sense of smell, touch, sight, taste, and hearing all are a part of a mechanism that allows us to stay alive.  We can certainly live without one, and can live without more, but no one actually wants to do that.  Yet, we (yes, myself included), do that on regular basis.  Headphones!  Walking down the street, we place headphones or ear buds in or over our ears, removing our ability to hear what’s going on in our surroundings.  Car horns, bees, approaching strangers, etc… Our ability to be completely aware of our surroundings is removed because of our desire to listen to music.  It actually makes no sense, but we do it.  And since it is not a true disability, and is very temporary, our other senses do not make up for the deficiency.  So there we are…vulnerable…just so we can listen to some music.  Why don’t we just cover our eyes with something that will allow us to see pretty mountains while walking around the streets of NYC?  Hmmmm


How do I know what’s attractive?

The other day, after a run, I looked down at my leg and saw my veins protruding from my skin.  I exclaimed to my Partner in Crime, “my veins are popping out of my leg.  It’s kind of sexy…I may be a little turned on…”  I do exaggerate, so you should know that my version of “veins popping out of my leg,” is probably nowhere near the image that those words might conjure up.  I’m am not some huge jacked up guy with big arms and legs with veins that resemble lightning strikes.  Which is probably why this vein (yes one, maybe two) caught my attention.  In any case, she (knowing my odd sense of humor) shrugged it off…I believe she asked me if I wanted some time alone.  LOL

The thing is, part of me made the observation so I could catch her attention.  She’d look over at my muscular leg (just go with it) and think, “he’s so sexy,” and want to do naughty things to me right then and there.  Okay, I knew the second part wouldn’t happen, but it still crossed my mind.  However, afterward, I began to do what I do best….over think it.  I am a guy.  As I guy, how would I know what women (she) finds attractive?  Maybe muscles is something that women like, but guys…for centuries (according to the books I don’t read) have done crazy things to try and attract women.  Many of those instances, we are wrong.

It’s funny because men and women do this.  We try to make ourselves attractive according to what WE think might be attractive to someone else.  Yet, it’s almost impossible because we are seeing it through our own eyes…using the hormones that makes us man or woman.  So, we might be good at knowing what the same sex might find attractive in us, but if that’s not what we’re looking for, how do we really know what’s attractive?  Obviously, there are other ways.  Women look at magazines, and guys…well, we use porn to tell us what women really want.  Er, how is that working out for everyone?  Jokes….

Truth is, what makes each of us attractive is different.  There is no universal look, height, weight, style that will make us all attractive.  The key to knowing what makes you attractive is listening to what people have told you.  People have a hard time with this because sometimes it goes against what popular culture might say.  But it’s the truth.  By a certain age, people have told you what it is that you do, say, or wear that makes you attractive.  Listen to those things.  Most importantly, listen to what you think.  What do you think makes you attractive…separate it from what others have told you, what you see on TV, or what you think might be attractive to someone else.  What do you like…LOVE, about you?  The fact that you LOVE that, and embrace it no matter what others may say, makes you that much more attractive!


I meant to write this a few weeks ago, but I forgot.

I try to drink lots of water throughout the day, though I’m not always successful. My attempts require that I constantly have a cup of water with me.

I also occasionally host meetings in conference rooms. Well one day, a few weeks ago, I went into a conference room and did my usual set up. I sat down, ready for the first person to show up to my session. Opened up my laptop, and instinctively grabbed the cup of water. Without looking, I grabbed the water, pulled it to my lips, and let it refreshingly flow into my mouth.

Suddenly, before swallowing, a little voice in my head whispered, “we didn’t bring any water with us…”  I paused, and slowly spit the water back into the foreign cup. I don’t know who left it there, nor do I know long it had been there. Doesn’t matter because it was disgusting either way.  O_o

What Doorman??

I must admit, I’m not a real sophisticated kind of guy.  I mean, I’m not trashy or completely unsophisticated….is that a word?  I just know that when people talk about the finer things in life, I’m probably not all that personally familiar with them.  Expensive wine, exotic foods and cars, VIP tickets, and fancy parties are not a regular part of my routine.  So when I bought a condo in a building that was coming equipped with a…..wait for it…..doorman, I was rather intrigued.  I mean, only people of stature have, on staff, someone who is there to simply hold open a door for you.  How regal.

Honestly, I was less than thrilled by this prospect.  Mainly because the building I am in is a new condo building that is equipped with video intercoms.  So, though the idea of my guests being greeted by a doorman is, in theory….cool, it’s not economical.  Why have these intercoms?  But I knew my opinion was probably a minority opinion, and though I wanted to bring this to the attention of the builder (it is a new building) I left it alone.  I certainly didn’t raise this opinion with my neighbors for fear of ostracizing myself early on.

Now, after some time, I’ve decided that my original opinion was correct.  I mean, let me be clear, I gave it a fair shot.  I had visions of….well, my only experience with a doorman was the one I used to see on the reruns of the Jefferson’s.  Or the one’s who hail taxis for you in the city (NYC)  So I expected an attentive, albeit money hungry, well dressed gentleman to be greeting me on my way in and out of the building.  Someone who not only open doors, but offer to help me or my guests with bags, even if I would decline the invitation.  Someone who would hold packages for me and ensure the safety of everyone in the building.  Someone who would hold witty conversations with me and know things about my routine that would even surprise me.

Sure, that’s TV, and the sentiment is going to be a bit over the top.  But the reality couldn’t be that far from scripted television, could it?  Well, I don’t know how it’s done in other buildings but the so-called “doormen” in my building are nothing like what I expected.  The good: They are nice.  One of them has even hung out with me and a few of the other neighbors.  Good kid…but that’s where the good stops.  There’s no uniform, which I could deal with.  That’s more of me wanting to feel like I’m taking advantage of one of the finer things in life, and to show it off for company.  What really bothers me is that the very word that is in the name….door….implies that they would actually, well…hold open a door.  That’s not a safe assumption.  Even if both hands are full, the effort to come to and open the door seems to be more of a bother than their job, and there is never a sense of urgency, as if what’s in my hands is not heavy.  Hold open the freaking door!!!  Your title implores that you do so, why is that such a hard concept?

Well if holding the door open is a chore, you can imagine that not much else gets done.  Sure, they hold my packages until I get home from work.  They greet me, and some will even greet me by name.  None has ever offered to help carry bags upstairs.  They don’t tell me anything about what’s going on in the building, or what’s going on in the neighborhood.  I called down once and asked them if they had a number to a local taxi, and they had nothing…not an offer to call one, and not an offer to even look one up.  I was left to my own devices.  They just sit at the desk as if they are just another building ornament.  I don’t know what I should’ve expected, but I must say that I’m disappointed.  The reality is that my HOA fees would probably have to go up if we had a “real” doorman, and back to my original point, I wouldn’t really be too happy to have to pay for that.  But if I’m being told I should have one, I think I should be able to enjoy the luxury of having one 100%.  People who enjoy the finer things in life come to expect to be pampered…I just wanted a small glimpse of that.  Ah well….