Tag Archives: marriage

Insecure

I believed in what we had

More than I believed in what I could bring

See, I looked to you to carry it all

And all I had to give you was a ring

Satisfaction didn’t need to be grounded in action

It was the mere fact that I was right there with you

Paid no mind to the signs

Never really worried about your issues

Not a we nor an I

It was all about the problems of you

You’d see I was a God and would figure out what to do

And when your routine switched up

My failure as a man only presented as anger

And when the weed smoked settled

I saw you as a stranger

Again it was about you

And the ills of your ways

You needed to be treated like a child

I wanted to know how you spent your days

And nights even… whenever we were separate

I got tight

I could barely touch your skin

Without wanting to fight

Thinking you was laid up with your lace stuff

Getting straight fucked

in a place nothing like home…. it was something I made up

Back blown out, that’s why I can’t be leaving you alone

Or you can’t be leaving me

Constantly checking my phone

See this is where my mind goes

That insecurity got me swaying like the wind blows

That stability that is needed

I didn’t bring my share

I just wanted a piece of property

The rest I really didn’t care

I brought nothing to the table except drama and pain

All from providing nothing

Now I won’t be seeing you again

See I looked to you to carry it all

That’s what I said before

But I thought you wanted to stay right here

Never wanting more….from me

So I didn’t change, shit I really didn’t try

We already on paper

I thought there was no saying goodbye

It’s cheaper to keep her, yeah I heard it before

But my love was already bankrupt

She ain’t got nothing to stay for

See that love was supposed to grow

As we did the same together

There’d be dips along the way

Put we promised that for better

Or worse, those words were lies for you and me both

There was no growth so now the salted land is burning the oath

We were never truly meant for this

One of us wasn’t ready,

I’ll continue to point at you though

Me changing is too heavy

So the separation is next who gets what

It don’t even matter

We’ve got nothing to split

Except happily ever after

Oh you want that D now

Sign on the dotted line then

Don’t let the door hit you on your way out

And no we can’t be friends

So now I’m back where I started

Alone here with me

And some hoes in my contact list

Dam it feels good to be free

Or am I fronting

Life’s Miracle

We already know this, but life can be so funny at times, and not always in a good way.  When I was younger, I wasn’t one who abstained from sex.  I tried my best to be careful to avoid STD’s, and to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.  In my mind, it had seemed as if you could get someone pregnant simply by a kiss.  It seemed as if so many people I knew had gotten pregnant and were faced with the tough choices of either keeping the baby, adoption, or abortion.  In hindsight, it probably was much less prevalent than I believed.

The funny thing is….I guess ironic would work too, is that I now know so many people who are”trying” to get pregnant.  When i was younger, i would have never thought that you would have to try…you just have unprotected sex and bam!!  But it’s not so.  As a matter of fact, it truly is a miracle.  There are so many factors that must come into play in order to successfully have a baby.

I’m not at a point where I’m looking to have kids, but I can’t imagine what it would be like to have trouble having them.  And on this day of my birth, I respect and appreciate the true miracle it is.  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of those who have tried and been unsuccessful (thus far), and those of you who have lost young ones.  God Bless!