Tag Archives: life

Reflections of the Future

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned a lot of things.  One of those things is that nothing in life is guaranteed.  I know, we’ve heard it all before, but whenever I hear that I always think of it in an abstract kind of way.  Recently, I’ve put more thought into it, and I can see it in practice.

When I was younger, I was taught not to view everyone as a friend, and I think I took that advice.  I was under no delusion that the people i knew in high school were actually friends, and would actually be there for me when I needed them.  After high school, there were a handful of those friends who stuck with me, and we began to build upon that relationship.  All throughout my 20’s, these were the people I would ride or die for.  These were my friends.  In my 20’s, I was sure that these were the people I would know for the rest of my life.

Then, in my 30’s, those same friends were still with me, but life began to change.  Those individuals were getting married and having kids, and moving onto another stage in life.  Luckily, the foundation we created during our younger years allows us to still stay close, but what we used to do, no longer was happening.  The every weekend hangouts evolved into seeing them on special occasions.  As this happened, my weekend nights were taken over by new acquaintances.  These new acquaintances showed me new experiences; things I had never really thought I would do and enjoy.  I’ve even gone out of the country with these new acquaintances.  I never saw that coming.

As I approach my late 30’s, I still know these same people and enjoy spending time with them.  I’ve also learned that I enjoy spending time with myself, travelling, and trying new food.  My point is, what I knew about my life when I was younger is not quite what it is now.  It’s all a part of growing up, and anyone older than I could have told me this would happen.

Truth is, I never had anything really planned out, with the exception of a loosely targeted career.  But I had ideas.  Ideas that fell within my, then, current comfort zone.  But, the changes I’ve experienced, though not major, have given me a new outlook.  I don’t expect that things will move too far beyond my comfort zone, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.  And honestly, that unknown is actually exciting, not scary.

I know that in five or ten years, I could be right where I am.  Or I could be living somewhere overseas.  I may be married with two kids (I think two is my max, but who knows), or I could be single (not my preference).  I’m old enough to realize that life is a gift, and whatever happens in it should be embraced.  There’s going to be pain, and hurt (hell, there could be disease and disability in my future) and I’ll have to deal with that, but there will also be opportunity, possibility, and tons of happiness if I allow it.  That’s what I don’t think many could prepare me for.  They couldn’t prepare me for how excited I’d be for what’s ahead, and I find that interesting…how everyone views the future differently.  That’s not to say I’m not embracing my present.  I’m doing much more of that these days as well.  I guess what I’m saying, is that this life thing…it’s pretty neat.  I pray that I have plenty of days ahead of me to embrace it like I’ve never done before.  Just my thoughts.

Flush….

 

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Emotional (Part 2, The Break Up) 2 of 3

You left hours ago

Yet I can still feel the words bouncing off my neck

“I love you,” you said

As I lay inside of you

Your sweat indistinguishable from mine

Our skin yearning to hold onto each other….for just another moment

Or was it mine just grasping

How my heart aches because I know where you’re headed

A familiar pillow will sit beneath you

Or as it is, familiar now….I’m just saying

You said the words that broke the bond

You did the deed that broke the trust

But I couldn’t help but try to hold on

Even though you were getting pushed further away with every thrust

It was a good-bye that pulled tears

And a barrage of apologies that fell on deaf ears

It’s not fair that your world remains seemingly steady

And though the near future will see a flood of unidentified oceans for me to jump in

It’ll be like breaking windows while walking down the street

Just to get to the next corner

Destructive, yes…but it’s all I can do to not jump in front of that vehicle

So I’ll do a dirty deed or two, and keep heading straight

Because what brought us here was a series of wrong turns

Followed by rug burns

But never a true bandage to the internal scars that developed daily

An ignorance to the reality of the situation

I mean, was I really playing my part or just frontin’

Did I really take care of your heart

Shit, you don’t come with instructions, why didn’t you speak up

Guess it’s hard when I constantly have your feet up

Who cares now, because the dust has settled

And the exit tracks have been made

And it was silly to think that you might make a u-turn strictly because of my tool

But I tried to put in work

I know, these thoughts make me look like a fool,

But if you were me you’d understand.

Shit isn’t that what made you stray in the first place

Or so my insecure ass thinks anyway.

Can’t quite figure it all out

And the cloudiness of my mind makes it all the more difficult

It hurts more because I know I’m no saint

But I was still willing to put the work in

So that makes me better than you

Which isn’t a prize worth claiming

So I let him have the “trophy”

For tomorrow his mantle might be empty

And the destruction that is you

Will only do what you do….so well

Over and over again

Truth is, my happiness is just a couple of blocks up

And I’m heading in its direction

While you move further away from yours

And for that, you’ll forever remain empty

And ain’t shit I can do for you.

Dear Life

I don’t typically write poetry using rhymes, but sometimes the mood just strikes me.  When I do write using rhymes, I wish I could record the reading because I feel my cadence makes more sense that way.  In any case, read the poem below.  Poetry is open to many interpretations, and if you have the time, I’d be interested in knowing yours, or your thoughts period.

Dear Life

Bumping in the dark trying to find my direction

Feeling pretty good but upon further inspection

It seems I lost my way many miles ago

With no miles to show, and no tread left on these tires, man I’m tired

So it’s hard to go back and redo my journey

Even when my family and friends try to do things to turn me

And it’s not that I don’t want to, I just see it ending in failure

That’s a feeling, for me, that’s all too familiar…or is that just me?

So I found my way to cope in this life so dear

It can’t be just about success or enhancing my career

It’s about living carefree and soaking in the adrenaline

And reliving those moments by telling those stories again and again

Not sure how I went so far left steady trying to convince everyone else that I’m alright

Feeling so far off from being centered when I’m laying down at night

But when the light shines in the morning I can put it on again

Leaning on the addictions that are like metaphorical friends

The stogs, the blunts, the sweet and dizzying concoctions

Seem to move me in slow motion so I can weigh my options

Which seem like none,

But I should fight some, for the good life huh?

Yeah, I’ll let you tell it

As I write my words to you, DEAR LIFE!!!

Can you hear me calling out waiting for you to get at me

Or are you sitting back and laughing at me casually

It’s a battle out there and I don’t think any of us are winning

We might need your mercy to let us start all over…from the beginning

My ups and downs, my rights and my wrongs

Maybe the answers are buried in versus and psalms

But how do you help the mute and the illiterate

I’m stressed out here and I need an edge…just a little bit

Or life, I might just get rid of it,

I feel like an idiot

So in closing, I’m shining the light hoping you finally see

That I’m holding on for dear life, to come rescue me.

Life’s a Beach (Real Talk)

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We have all probably heard of the term, life’s a bitch.  Well, have you heard the term, life’s a beach?  I heard it sometime ago, and though I understood the play on words, I can’t say that I understood it’s meaning.  Then I went on vacation, and it made sense to me, so I wanted to share my understanding with you.

There are plenty of things going on while on the beach.  There are people trying to sell you stuff, and there are people who are paying no attention to you.  There are those who are relaxing and enjoying the sun, and those who are chasing kids around, and keeping them out of trouble.  There are those who are swimming around in the water, and those who are just walking up and down the beach aimlessly.  As I said, lots going on, if you’re paying attention.  Just as in life, you will pass people on a regular basis, who are all doing different things for different reasons.  But it’s very busy.

In addition, you will find different types of people.  Obviously, there are many races, religions, and depending on where the beach is, many different nationalities.  You will notice that there are those who are there to have fun.  They will find fun no matter what, and they will be loud about how much fun they are having.  Then there are the people who want to make friends.  They figure, we are all here for the same reason, and having someone good to talk to only enhances the experience.  There are also those who just want to be left alone.  They are there for themselves.  They don’t want to make friends, but they do want to have fun…fun with either just themselves or whomever they are there with.  There are also the parents who are only there for there kids to have a good time.  There are people who look like models in their bathing suits, but most of them are very average.  You get my point.

The fact is, the beach has a lot going on, with many different kinds of people enjoying it…just like life.  During my trip, I made a few other observations.  On a few of the mornings, it rained heavily for about 30 minutes.  There were also some people who decided to sensitive issues (politics, healthcare, etc…), which was probably inappropriate considering they had just met; I think some feathers got ruffled.  There were some people who were loud, obnoxious, and very irritating.  There were people who got in your space, asked personal questions, and sometimes the staff didn’t seem very polite.  But from what I could tell, most people didn’t let these things bother them.  And why didn’t they let these things bother them?  Because, regardless of all of these irritations, they were still on a beach….how could you be mad when you’re hanging out on the beach?

We should all have that same mentality when it comes to life.  All of these things going on, and all of these possible irritants…we let them get to us.  Big issues, or little ones….they bothers us and prevent us from seeing that despite it all, we are living.  We have been given life.  How could you, or why would you, be upset when you’re on this beach?

Life is your beach.  It may not be pretty everyday.  It may rain, or you may step on a shell.  Hell, you might even get stung by a jelly fish.  But you’re on a beach.  You’ve been given this life, and while you’re on that beach, you should enjoy every moment of it.

As always, just my two cents.  Have a great week!!

Memories (Real Talk)

The meaning of life is debatable.  Each individual may have their own take on what that actually means.  But regardless of the meaning, I know one thing is important; we must create memories.  Not only for ourselves, but for our loved ones.  I was thinking earlier today (I don’t know what sparked these thoughts), but I was suddenly remembering playing board games with my mother and sister when I was young.  The feeling it gave me to think about those times was amazing.  We would play Payday, Life, or Sorry.  I don’t remember it being often, but I remember it was often enough.  Something that I really enjoyed doing.

I also remember playing card games with my mother, father, and sister.  We would play rummy 500.  I don’t remember how we did it, but we somehow made bets using pennies.  It was so much fun.  I also remember playing backgammon.  I don’t have such fond memories of that one as I remember feeling it was a difficult game to learn.  Too cerebral for a young buck like me, lol.

I hadn’t thought of these memories in years.  But they obviously are embedded in my mind.  They remind me of a time that was not nearly as complicated as the present.  But it also made me think about how important it is to have those moments.  It’s kind of silly because I’m sure a lot of what we do is an attempt at creating them.  However, it’s sometimes those small things that assist with their creation.  Nothing forced or manufactured.  Just an ability to have fun in the moment.  It was much easier to do then, but doesn’t excuse us from doing it now.

I’ve heard a saying that goes something like, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that’s most important.  I think that’s meant for relationships, but it’s very true.  I think that’s why I like the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”  It’s about cherishing memories, even if the destination was not planned (like a relationship that doesn’t last).  I guess my overall point is to have fun with life.  Create memories with the person you are with.  Create memories for your family.  Create memories for your children because as my thoughts earlier proved, they stick with you.  They make you feel good to think about.  It makes you love live for what it has given you, and the potential it has as well.  Just my thoughts.

Have a great, memory filled week!!!

Wishing Time Away (Real Talk)

My apologies for the delay in this weeks Real Talk.  Superbowl Sunday, unfortunately, had me preoccupied yesterday.  But nevertheless, here we are.

I’ve alluded, on a few occasions, to having written a few of these posts in the past.  I’ve normally copied and pasted the previous posts.  This week, I am again going to bring up a topic I’ve written about in the past, but I’m not going to copy and paste.

Today, I want to talk to you about living your life to the fullest, everyday.  More specifically, I want to talk to you about making the most out of your Monday to Friday, as well as your weekend.  I, like a lot of you, look forward to my weekends.  I enjoy my weekends, whether I’m relaxing at home, running around getting things done, or partying it up.  But, I like you, have “wished my weekdays away.”  I have treated Monday to Friday as life’s stepchildren.  We all do it.  “I can’t wait until the weekend,” or “I can’t wait until 5pm Friday,” and not doing anything productive in the meantime.

Think about it though.  Monday, to 5pm Friday, is 113 hours per week.  In one year, that’s 5,876 hours.  Assuming these feelings started when you entered the workforce (approximately age 22), and that you’d retire at 65, that’s 43 years.  That’s 252,668 hours.  Average life expectancy in the US is about 77, which is 674,520 hours.  Certainly, there are a lot of other factors that play into the calculations, but just on the surface, you will wish away over 1/3 of your life.

As I mentioned, there are other factors to consider, but my point is that a weekday should be considered just as special as a weekend.  Sure, you don’t have the luxury of doing whatever you want during a portion of those days, but that doesn’t mean they should be considered lost days.  You can still get out and do things…see people you care about…do things that you love.  It takes a little motivation at times, but you can do it.  And for those of you with families, you are not exempt.  Sure, you may have homework with the kids, cleaning, blah blah blah.  Those are just excuses (says the man with no wife or kids, lol).  But seriously, this is your life too.  Babysitters exist during the week, and there are lots of activities that can include your kids.  You just have to make the effort.

Giving yourself only two days to call your own each week is unfair to you.  It is doing life a disservice.  So don’t wish over 1/3 of your life away.  Take that with you on your journey this week.

Have a good one!!

5 Random Life Observations…

Just some random stuff that was on my mind:


1. When you have somewhere to be, and you’re already running late, 9 times out of  10, you will hit every light along the way.  I guess the thing to do would be to stop running late, but it just happens, but why can’t the lights cooperate when this happens.  Why must they taunt me and make me angry.

2.  If you leave the room to “let one go,” the feeling will go away, only to return when you leave the room.  This one might just be me, but in an effort to not offend any female friends of mine, I will kindly leave a room to let go of the gas that has been building up.  It seems like the right thing to do, but inevitably, when I leave the room, the new position of my torso no longer forces the gas through my system.  Yet, as soon as I sit back down, it comes back.  Sorry, I will just have to let you get familiar with that side of me as well.

3.  Masturbation is a good cure for mild insomnia.  Maybe not the medical diagnosis of insomnia, but it still helps.  If you don’t believe me, try it.  Take one night where you are just having a hard time sleeping.  Maybe your mind is running on high, or you’re not that tired.  Either way, a good self release will help get you to the Sandman faster.  This won’t always work, but it should be an option in your toolbox of remedies.  Certainly sex can be substituted, but if you don’t have access to a partner, or if you don’t feel like using energy to please someone else, try this.

4.  No matter how hard you try, you will begin to act and say things like one of your parents.  We feel so independent, and that we are so individual, until you get into your late 20’s early 30’s.  Then one day it hits you…you are usually giving someone advice, but it can happen in any number of ways.  This is not to say that it’s a bad thing, unless the parent you’re turning into is a crackhead.  I have found that I’ve turned into my father.  I’m still an individual, and there are a lot of things that make me different from him, but the things that make us alike, still amaze me.  Luckily, he’s a great father, so I have no real issue with it, but it still is scary.  I watch him more closely now to see what I might be like when I’m older now.  SMH

5.  If your rear view mirror ever falls off, it is impossible to get it back on for any extended amount of time.  It’s like the glue they use to put it on, is only available in the factory.  Any after market glue is only good for a few months, at most.  Again, this could just be my experience, but I’m pretty sure I’ve witnessed others who have had this issue.  Oh well.

Those are 5 random life observations…any questions?