To prepare for something, is a good thing. I get that, but what I don’t like is having to speak with my father about his preparation for when he’s no longer here. Certainly, there’s no one on earth who is going to be here indefinitely. We all recognize that there will be a time when our loved ones are no longer here. For some of us, we have already lost close loved ones, so the thought is also a reality. Even still, having to deal with it beforehand is not something that is desirable.
I’m mature enough t know that I need to have these talks with my dad. I need to know where to find the deeds, and what the codes to the safe are, and who the mansions and yachts go to (me, my brother, or my sister). But just because I know I should know, doesn’t mean I want to know, or more specifically…it doesn’t mean I want to face the reality of a future without my father.
But not only did I not want to have the conversation because of my fears, I didn’t want to have the conversation because of what he must have been thinking. I mean seriously, how must it feel to have to begin to prepare a world…prepare your loved ones for when you’re gone? Imagine getting a babysitter, dog sitter, house sitter. That’s a temporary situation, but think about having to apply that to a situation where you know you’re never coming back. The thing is, my dad is a smart guy. He knows how important this stuff is, and he knows he has to prepare us for something that is eventually inevitable and out of his control, so I recognize how important this is. I don’t know if his preparations mean he’s accepted that it will one day happen, or if he’s just being him (he is an all around prepared kind of individual).
The other thing to note is that we are not talking about a seventy or eighty year old man. He’s not even in his sixties yet!!! I guess that’s the other thing that seems so premature to me (“pop, I don’t want to talk about that”). I guess I just assume he’s got a good twenty or thirty years ahead of him, which I’m sure he does and means he will have to prepare us multiple times as things change in his life. Ugh!!! I appreciate his goal, but I do hate the conversation.