I wonder if I’m weird. I think everyone handles death differently. On the surface, there’s grieving through acceptance with steps in between. But what does it do to people on a smaller, less noticeable, scale? Over time, what does the exposure to death over a lifetime do to an individual?
I don’t know…certainly as one gets older, they become more aware of their own mortality. The reason I wonder if I’m weird is because I think I’m highly sensitive to the presence of death. I can’t say it’s on the level of someone like Tupac who predicted he would die young. Nor do I think is stalking me around every corner, but I’m aware of the many different ways that death could get me in its grasp. For example, every since the young woman died from being crushed by an elevator in NY earlier this year, I’m more aware of how that could’ve been me. I still get on elevators, without fear might I add, but the dangers do cross my mind. Recently, an acquaintance of mine was shot to death in front of the Empire State building by a disgruntled former co-worker. I work in human resources and I unfortunately am occasionally a part of terminations. Though I’m not the persons manager, my mere involvement makes me wonder if I could be a target. I still go to work, without fear, but it does sometimes hit me, as I enter or exit the building, that some former disgruntled worker could be waiting for my arrival.
I have other examples of this, but what makes me think I am sane is that it doesn’t alter what I do or change who I am. I’m just more aware. I feel like I’m more aware than the average person, but maybe that’s only because I can’t speak for anyone else. Ah well, who knows…