In a romantic relationship, love is presumably the goal. Being in love with someone is the epitome of a romantic connection. It should be the one emotion that beats all other emotions. That’s debatable, but not the point here. However, the journey to being in love with someone…the falling, is also a key component to a relationship. My question is, which one is better?
Let’s see. Falling in love is full of many things. There’s the opportunity to learn new things about your mate. You learn about your common interests, and you come to cherish your differences. You try new things together, and really make an effort at seeing the other person happy. It’s a romantic dance that has your heart fluttering and adrenaline rushing with every moment. Even when arguing, you do so with such passion because you don’t want to let them slip away.
There’s also the insecurity. Not knowing your mate well enough to know if this fight is something that will blow over, or will be the end of the two of you. A fight or disagreement that lasts any extended amount of time (over two hours) feels like a lifetime. Is she truly happy with me and does he see us together for the long term? Two people are very protective over their feelings in this stage, neither wanting to give too much of themselves for fear of exposing themselves too much and allow the other person to actually hurt them. It’s a chess match that most want to play like checkers; carefree and just enjoying the moment, but usually ends up dominated by calculated moves, and reassessment of the current state of things.
Being in love is quite different though. You are able to bathe in the comfort of knowing you and your mate are in this together. You, whether or not you are married, are a team. You understand that it is you versus them, and that’s a great feeling. You know what they are feeling, sometimes before they feel it. You have your routines, and you are perfectly happy with those routines as long as you have your partner by your side.
Is boredom a side effect? Does one yearn for the heart fluttering and adrenaline rushing. The days of having doors opened for you are over, and sexy clothing and sweet perfume are reserved for extra special occasions. Many aspects of the relationship may now be a chore.
I’m sure most would say that they’d like a combination of the two, but I don’t know if that’s possible. So which one really is better? I don’t know, but it was on my mind. As I wrote this, I also began to think of how important how you fall in love is to how being in love will be. That’s probably material for another blog. Ah well.