What comes first?

I think most people would agree that sex is an important part of a relationship.  However, what comes first?  Does good sex help make a good relationship, or does a good relationship predicate good sex?

Maybe it all depends on the people involved.  Some may just be bumbling idiots when it comes to sex, at the outset, especially if they are inexperienced.  Others may just be God/Goddess like right out the gate.  Neither of these experiences rely on an emotional connection so if you judge the potential for a relationship based on these early sexual experiences, you probably think sex comes first.  Sex is in the drivers seat.  Don’t go feeling shallow….I’ve heard plenty of people (honestly, mostly women) say that if sex isn’t good, then they aren’t sticking around.  But are they selling themselves short?  Could they be missing out on something great in the long run; when/if the emotional connection develops?  If your relationships have been full of good sex, and these relationships are in the rear view, maybe it’s time to change it up.  Give your bumbling idiot a chance…could be the best sex of your life, and a great relationship would compliment it.

Some of you are second guessing yourselves now.  Maybe thinking of taking the less, perceived, shallow route.  Giving the emotional part time before yielding to the signs of the physical.  Oh, what an argument for waiting until marriage.  I mean seriously, regardless of how good, or potentially bad, it may be at first, the emotional connection….LOVE, will cure all.  Your frustrations in the bedroom will be forgotten for the greater good of the emotional relationship.  Shoot, I think I lost some of you on that one.  Ha

My thought is, a good relationship can save bad sex, through communication and a genuine interest in pleasing your partner…but good sex can’t save a bad relationship.  It may prolong it, but that’s about it.  I felt good as I wrote that and I think it sounds good, but it’s almost a cop out on my part because it leaves a lot of room in between.  Can an okay relationship save bad or okay sex?  Can good sex save an okay relationship.  Is it a good relationship except for the sex?  Should we settle for “okay” in any part of a relationship to begin with, and so on and so on.  Maybe there’s no right answer, but maybe it made you think.

Share your thoughts if you are so inclined.


4 thoughts on “What comes first?

  1. wobsy

    I think there is much truth in what you say. From my own perspective, sex means many things. On one level, its like eating and drinking, i.e. something that I just have to do to survive. On another level: it is one of the things that bond my partner and I together emotionally. It allows us to give and take of each other and demonstrate our love for each other. On another level: it’s my favourite pass-time and a whole lot of fun and fulfillment.
    Good sex in a bad relationship: on some levels it is possible but obviously not on all.

    1. gtwhitfield Post author

      Well it sounds as if you and your partner have a healthy sexual relationship, assuming they share the same types of perspective. Also, with it being fun and fulfilling it sounds as if it’s a good experience, but I guess not everyone is as lucky. It’s great for bonding with your partner, which is why I can see how it enhances a relationship. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  2. Yves Sol

    Good sex can never save a bad relationship. It’s completely not fulfilling, except for the sex sessions and as much as people think they can detach themselves from sexual experiences I think at some point, one (man or woman) will be in the act thinking, “wtf am I doing?” At some point, any mentally and emotionally healthy person will want more than good sex.

    I’ve never had a bumbling idiot (that would probably be me :-/), but I would definitely give him a chance. No one is perfect and I agree, anyone who is worth having a relationship with is going to want to please his or her partner. Eventually they will figure it out.

    “My thought is, a good relationship can save bad sex, through communication and a genuine interest in pleasing your partner…but good sex can’t save a bad relationship. It may prolong it, but that’s about it. ” —– I don’t think this is a cop out. I think it’s the truth, and a good summary for the few paragraphs you’ve afforded yourself here on the topic. Yes it is is black and white and there’s tons of gray in the middle, but so is life.

    Guy and girl meet and they figure it out whether it’s the relationship or the sex. If it’s meant to be, everything falls into place.

    Nice post.


    1. gtwhitfield Post author

      Thank you for your two cents. I think your last line sums it up well. “If it’s meant to be, everything falls into place.” I guess the answer here seems like common sense, but in a forum like this, common sense is easy to come by. Real life common sense…well, that sometimes is thrown out the window. Again, thank you for your thoughts, and feel free to drop by again.


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