Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should (Part 1)

The title says it all.  There are lots of things you can do in life, but just because you can do them, doesn’t mean you should.  Here a few of those things that I can think of at this moment.

1. Careless Pedestrians

In NJ, it is state law to yield to pedestrians.  This is a great law, which is meant to reduce the number of people being hit by cars, especially in areas where there are a large amount of pedestrians.  Hoboken N.J is one of those places.  However, the side effect of such a law, is that people begin to think they are invincible.  That just because they are walking into a crosswalk, all cars should stop, and that they have no responsibility to protect themselves and the driver.  The truth is, not all situations will allow a vehicle to come to a complete stop to allow you to cross the street.  It’s important that you pay attention to the traffic just as much as they pay attention to you.  So just because the law says that cars must yield to you, don’t just jump into traffic assuming your actions are correct.

2.Chatty Cathy

They are developing quiet cars on trains for a reason.  While commuting to or from work, not everyone wants to hear your conversation, and they especially don’t want to hear your loud music.  Yes, it’s your phone (or iPod or whatever), and you have the right to use it however you want.  But just because you can, doesn’t always mean you should.  If you have to talk on the train or bus, try talking quietly.   Or don’t get mad when other people decide to chime in on the conversation.

3. Know-It-All

Some people are very smart.  You might actually be one of those very smart people.  But some smart people feel the need to always jump into a conversation and give their take on what’s being said because well…like I said, they’re so smart.  They either know how to do it, know where to find it, had a different experience that they want to tell, had a similar experience that they want to tell, have the answer (according to them) and so on.  The thing is, I have nothing against these smart people.  They have proven to be very helpful at times.  However, just because you can jump into a conversation that doesn’t involve you and bless it with your genius, doesn’t mean you should.  The world will go on if you keep your opinion…I mean, facts to yourself.  The rest of us idiots will get it eventually.

Life’s a Beach (Real Talk)

We have all probably heard of the term, life’s a bitch.  Well, have you heard the term, life’s a beach?  I heard it sometime ago, and though I understood the play on words, I can’t say that I understood it’s meaning.  Then I went on vacation, and it made sense to me, so I wanted to share my understanding with you.

There are plenty of things going on while on the beach.  There are people trying to sell you stuff, and there are people who are paying no attention to you.  There are those who are relaxing and enjoying the sun, and those who are chasing kids around, and keeping them out of trouble.  There are those who are swimming around in the water, and those who are just walking up and down the beach aimlessly.  As I said, lots going on, if you’re paying attention.  Just as in life, you will pass people on a regular basis, who are all doing different things for different reasons.  But it’s very busy.

In addition, you will find different types of people.  Obviously, there are many races, religions, and depending on where the beach is, many different nationalities.  You will notice that there are those who are there to have fun.  They will find fun no matter what, and they will be loud about how much fun they are having.  Then there are the people who want to make friends.  They figure, we are all here for the same reason, and having someone good to talk to only enhances the experience.  There are also those who just want to be left alone.  They are there for themselves.  They don’t want to make friends, but they do want to have fun…fun with either just themselves or whomever they are there with.  There are also the parents who are only there for there kids to have a good time.  There are people who look like models in their bathing suits, but most of them are very average.  You get my point.

The fact is, the beach has a lot going on, with many different kinds of people enjoying it…just like life.  During my trip, I made a few other observations.  On a few of the mornings, it rained heavily for about 30 minutes.  There were also some people who decided to sensitive issues (politics, healthcare, etc…), which was probably inappropriate considering they had just met; I think some feathers got ruffled.  There were some people who were loud, obnoxious, and very irritating.  There were people who got in your space, asked personal questions, and sometimes the staff didn’t seem very polite.  But from what I could tell, most people didn’t let these things bother them.  And why didn’t they let these things bother them?  Because, regardless of all of these irritations, they were still on a beach….how could you be mad when you’re hanging out on the beach?

We should all have that same mentality when it comes to life.  All of these things going on, and all of these possible irritants…we let them get to us.  Big issues, or little ones….they bothers us and prevent us from seeing that despite it all, we are living.  We have been given life.  How could you, or why would you, be upset when you’re on this beach?

Life is your beach.  It may not be pretty everyday.  It may rain, or you may step on a shell.  Hell, you might even get stung by a jelly fish.  But you’re on a beach.  You’ve been given this life, and while you’re on that beach, you should enjoy every moment of it.

As always, just my two cents.  Have a great week!!

Preparations

To prepare for something, is a good thing.  I get that, but what I don’t like is having to speak with my father about his preparation for when he’s no longer here.  Certainly, there’s no one on earth who is going to be here indefinitely.  We all recognize that there will be a time when our loved ones are no longer here.  For some of us, we have already lost close loved ones, so the thought is also a reality.  Even still, having to deal with it beforehand is not something that is desirable.

I’m mature enough t know that I need to have these talks with my dad.  I need to know where to find the deeds, and what the codes to the safe are, and who the mansions and yachts go to (me, my brother, or my sister).  But just because I know I should know, doesn’t mean I want to know, or more specifically…it doesn’t mean I want to face the reality of a future without my father.

But not only did I not want to have the conversation because of my fears, I didn’t want to have the conversation because of what he must have been thinking.  I mean seriously, how must it feel to have to begin to prepare a world…prepare your loved ones for when you’re gone?  Imagine getting a babysitter, dog sitter, house sitter.  That’s a temporary situation, but think about having to apply that to a situation where you know you’re never coming back.  The thing is, my dad is a smart guy.  He knows how important this stuff is, and he knows he has to prepare us for something that is eventually inevitable and out of his control, so I recognize how important this is.  I don’t know if his preparations mean he’s accepted that it will one day happen, or if he’s just being him (he is an all around prepared kind of individual).

The other thing to note is that we are not talking about a seventy or eighty year old man.  He’s not even in his sixties yet!!!  I guess that’s the other thing that seems so premature to me (“pop, I don’t want to talk about that”).  I guess I just assume he’s got a good twenty or thirty years ahead of him, which I’m sure he does and means he will have to prepare us multiple times as things change in his life.  Ugh!!!  I appreciate his goal, but I do hate the conversation.

I hate shopping

I’ve always known that I’ve hated shopping. Food shopping, clothes shopping, and others. Today, I realized one aspect that I really hate. I hate feeling trapped. Have you ever found yourself in an aisle, and had both routes to leaving the aisle blocked by people and their carts? That’s the trapped feeling I’m referring to. Or walking down an aisle, seeing an obstruction, crossing over to a parallel aisle only to have someone in that aisle stop short. You then think about going back the other way, and you see someone approaching to block your path. It’s a frustrating feeling. I don’t like not being able to move freely and crowded shopping spaces are full of these traps. Grrr, I hate it.  Guess I should just stick with shopping online.

 

Memories (Real Talk)

The meaning of life is debatable.  Each individual may have their own take on what that actually means.  But regardless of the meaning, I know one thing is important; we must create memories.  Not only for ourselves, but for our loved ones.  I was thinking earlier today (I don’t know what sparked these thoughts), but I was suddenly remembering playing board games with my mother and sister when I was young.  The feeling it gave me to think about those times was amazing.  We would play Payday, Life, or Sorry.  I don’t remember it being often, but I remember it was often enough.  Something that I really enjoyed doing.

I also remember playing card games with my mother, father, and sister.  We would play rummy 500.  I don’t remember how we did it, but we somehow made bets using pennies.  It was so much fun.  I also remember playing backgammon.  I don’t have such fond memories of that one as I remember feeling it was a difficult game to learn.  Too cerebral for a young buck like me, lol.

I hadn’t thought of these memories in years.  But they obviously are embedded in my mind.  They remind me of a time that was not nearly as complicated as the present.  But it also made me think about how important it is to have those moments.  It’s kind of silly because I’m sure a lot of what we do is an attempt at creating them.  However, it’s sometimes those small things that assist with their creation.  Nothing forced or manufactured.  Just an ability to have fun in the moment.  It was much easier to do then, but doesn’t excuse us from doing it now.

I’ve heard a saying that goes something like, it’s not the destination, it’s the journey that’s most important.  I think that’s meant for relationships, but it’s very true.  I think that’s why I like the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.”  It’s about cherishing memories, even if the destination was not planned (like a relationship that doesn’t last).  I guess my overall point is to have fun with life.  Create memories with the person you are with.  Create memories for your family.  Create memories for your children because as my thoughts earlier proved, they stick with you.  They make you feel good to think about.  It makes you love live for what it has given you, and the potential it has as well.  Just my thoughts.

Have a great, memory filled week!!!

Life Junkie

Addicted to the emotion

Without it,

I feel as if I wouldn’t live

So like AA, or any sort of rehab

I need a place; this is that place… to bare my soul, and accept my addiction

Please don’t mistake my expressions,

Previous or future, as holier than thou sentiments

It’s just me expressing how I feel at the moment

Sometimes it’s so good…..life that is

And other times, it’s like a bad trip

And in this rehab, some days I have a lot to say

And others, I just want to be left by myself; alone in the corner

But everyday is like a new high

I inhale it, or connect it to my vein

Hoping that the journey that awaits is painless

Void of any emptiness that may pervade my soul in those dark moments

And those judging eyes of yours…I wish for them to look past me

Hoping that you are too self absorbed to notice what I’m going through

Because as much as I need you to provide for me, emotional charity

I don’t ever want you to think I’m dependent upon you or anyone else

See the life of a junkie…a junkie of life

Isn’t driven by what you think of me…

It’s a result of what I think of myself

And it’s those thoughts that drive my high, or the purpose thereof

An escape, a way to feel good

Or something that amplifies the self reflection and rips me to my core

It sounds extreme, but the the unemotional is equivalent to a flat-line

I need something above or below to know I’m alive

But I know that…I know what my needs are

Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know

But it definitely is real

So as I stand here before you, exposing who am I and my addiction

I expect no judgement

I am a junkie addicted to life, and I’ll be back soon to confess my addiction once again

As I have no plan to quit.

Wishing Time Away (Real Talk)

My apologies for the delay in this weeks Real Talk.  Superbowl Sunday, unfortunately, had me preoccupied yesterday.  But nevertheless, here we are.

I’ve alluded, on a few occasions, to having written a few of these posts in the past.  I’ve normally copied and pasted the previous posts.  This week, I am again going to bring up a topic I’ve written about in the past, but I’m not going to copy and paste.

Today, I want to talk to you about living your life to the fullest, everyday.  More specifically, I want to talk to you about making the most out of your Monday to Friday, as well as your weekend.  I, like a lot of you, look forward to my weekends.  I enjoy my weekends, whether I’m relaxing at home, running around getting things done, or partying it up.  But, I like you, have “wished my weekdays away.”  I have treated Monday to Friday as life’s stepchildren.  We all do it.  “I can’t wait until the weekend,” or “I can’t wait until 5pm Friday,” and not doing anything productive in the meantime.

Think about it though.  Monday, to 5pm Friday, is 113 hours per week.  In one year, that’s 5,876 hours.  Assuming these feelings started when you entered the workforce (approximately age 22), and that you’d retire at 65, that’s 43 years.  That’s 252,668 hours.  Average life expectancy in the US is about 77, which is 674,520 hours.  Certainly, there are a lot of other factors that play into the calculations, but just on the surface, you will wish away over 1/3 of your life.

As I mentioned, there are other factors to consider, but my point is that a weekday should be considered just as special as a weekend.  Sure, you don’t have the luxury of doing whatever you want during a portion of those days, but that doesn’t mean they should be considered lost days.  You can still get out and do things…see people you care about…do things that you love.  It takes a little motivation at times, but you can do it.  And for those of you with families, you are not exempt.  Sure, you may have homework with the kids, cleaning, blah blah blah.  Those are just excuses (says the man with no wife or kids, lol).  But seriously, this is your life too.  Babysitters exist during the week, and there are lots of activities that can include your kids.  You just have to make the effort.

Giving yourself only two days to call your own each week is unfair to you.  It is doing life a disservice.  So don’t wish over 1/3 of your life away.  Take that with you on your journey this week.

Have a good one!!